It's broken

Growing up I never had to worry about who my best friend was. There was never any question of who I would have a play date with, plan sleepovers, or get the privilege of setting a volleyball to. I never had to worry about it until we grew up.

Most of you wouldn't understand what it is like growing up with a twin. You go through the highest of highs and lowest of lows with someone by your side. It's something that I will never be able to fully explain, but I feel so blessed to have had this in my life. Recently, I have realized how much me and my sister have not only grown up, but also grown apart. The thought alone almost brings me to tears.

It seemed to have started after our senior year of high school. I went to work at summer camp and my sister stayed in Nebraska doing, honestly, I don't know what. But when I came back after that summer things had changed. We had changed. It was clear that we were picking two very different roads in life. I picked a school that grew me spiritually and mentally and God used it to point me in the right direction for my life. She chose our volleyball scholarship, only to later quit the team, have her school close down, pick a major she doesn't love and party hard which broke a connection between us that may never be repaired.

I will never forget that first Sabbath that I sat in the pew alone.
I will never forget the words, "if you haven't noticed, church really isn't my thing anymore."

My sister told me this after many weeks of me asking her to go to vespers with me. Talk about a knife in the back... To some people this doesn't seem like much but to me it was the most heart wrenching thing I had heard in a long time. My family doesn't go to church and never has. Growing up my grandparents always took my sister and I to church so in my house she was my support. She was by my side. I lost that but as time has gone on I have accepted it and just continue to pray for her.
We are even more distant now then ever before and now is when I need her the most. I have found out things from other people that she no longer chooses to tell me and it hurts. It makes me question what I am doing wrong and what I did that would bring her to this point. I don't know how it got this way but all that I can pray for is a repaired relationship. I just need her so badly right now.