I seem to have gotten so caught up in life that blogging has really taken a back seat. But I have missed it so I am glad to be writing once again. I tend to blog when I am going through something very emotional and camp this summer has been nothing short of that.
Two things most of my friends know about me is that I am a people person and a camp person. I love people and kids which has always made camp an easy thing for me to love and get absorbed in. It is a ministry that I feel God always uses me in. Camp was something that was life changing for me and I only want to give that to the kids that had the same struggles I did. And it seems that I have been able to do this for the last 5 years and love every minute of it. That is until this summer.
I did not want to be the programming director; I even told my camp director 3 times that I absolutely did not want to do it. But here I am, programming director. God has an interesting way of working and this is one time I question often why I was brought here. In fact, I have almost packed my bags four times.
MiVoden is a great camp with a lot of awesome people. But it is a camp that THRIVES off of tradition. Change is an extremely hard thing for the staff here. I have a program that looks nothing like what any of their past programs have looked like and this has caused a lot of unrest among the staff. It is frustrating because I know God put this program together, but the devil works hard to break relationships and bring people down when he is scared. The devil is working to break us down and honestly right now it feels like we are barely going to make it by.
Instead of people talking about their problems they hold them in until they are ready to burst. They complain to one another and never bring them to the people that they are having the problem with. This has happened a lot with me, because most of the change has come from the programming side of things. I am burning out, I am saddened that it has come to all of this. I need prayer, we need prayer. I have two and a half weeks left on my contract and I honestly don't know if I can make it. I know that God has me here for a reason but it's sometimes hard to see. God always pulls through and I hope this time it is sooner than later.
I want MORE!
ReplyDeleteI want to know how you ended up making it through. What happened with the staff at the end? Did they ever come around? Where did you see God working? Will this be your last year? Was it worth it? I mean really, are you glad you stuck it out or would it have been better to throw in the towel early?
Are you glad that God used you to bring about a much needed change at MiVoden, or would you rather have read about it in some magazine?
I think about the end times, and no matter how much I day dream about it I'm convinced it'll be the hardest thing any one has ever gone through (if for nothing else than because of the love the remnant will be filled with for the world that has finally rejected God fully). But I wonder. I wonder if even the hardest struggle means God is even more present. And if we so often given up the closeness of God for ease and comfort.
The disciples abandoned God in His hardest hour, and they missed out on the most important event of all time because they were scared and things were tough. I wonder if for the the rest of their lives they ached inside because they could have been so the Jesus as He went to the cross. I don't know.
Which is why I want more :). Was God with you this summer, if so how was He there.
When you read John 5 what do you see? I see a man who was ill because of his own sin and terrible choices, and yet God came to him. BUT he'd rather someone carry him away from God to a superstitious end than suffer and be in the presence of Jesus. I mean sure, there is healing in the presence of Jesus which he experienced, but how often do we try to escape from God, following a fool's errand to receive comfort?
I don't know. I'm rambling now, thanks for the update. I hope there's more to come :)