Be What You Should Be

I recently experienced the best weekend of my life. Well, I say that about almost every new weekend that comes because I just love life but you get the picture. I traveled to Andrews University to see Gungor live in concert with some of my closest friends. We often sing Gungor songs at vespers or church but to actually be able to worship with Gungor was such a blessing.

Michael Gungor sang a song called Song for my Family. It reminded me of my family because of a line that says, "This is a song for my family who just can’t believe in the Jesus that you’ve seen on Sunday morning." This hit me like a bag of bricks. I felt like he was singing to me. But I realized this song wasn't about the people who didn't believe. This song was for me; about those of us who live "inside the walls on Sunday morning". It is a song that calls us to a high standard of living. Of not rejecting, judging, and bringing others down. Of living as an example of Christ so others can believe in Him. Here are the lyrics, but better yet Youtube the song and soak in the words.

This is a song for my family outside the walls of Sunday morning from some within.
This is a song to confess our sins, lay it all out, and try to begin again.
To hope again.

Please forgive our ignorance in looking down on you
Please forgive our selfishness for hiding in our pews while the world bleeds
While the world needs us to be what we should be

This is a song for my family who just can’t believe in the Jesus that you’ve seen on Sunday morning.
This is a song for the cynical saints. The burned out and hopeless. The ones that we’ve cast away.
I feel your pain.

Please forgive the wastefulness of all that we could be, but don’t forget, there’s more than this
Her beauty still exists
His bride is still alive
His bride is still alive
His bride is still alive
His bride is still alive
His bride is still alive

This is a song for my family inside the walls of Sunday morning.
Be what you should be.


Lord, help me be what I should be.

I am

I am Courtney
I am 23 years old
I am a twin
I am an adventurer
I am a student
and I am done trying to "find myself"

Who I am is not what is important,
it's who I serve and how I reflect Him that is
I want to find more Jesus, not more me

"I am part of the fellowship of the unashamed. I have the Holy Spirit power. The die has been cast. I have stepped over the line. The decision has been made—I am a disciple of His.

I won’t look back, let up, slow down, back away, or be still. My past is redeemed, my present makes sense, my future is secure. I’m finished and done with low living, sight walking, smooth knees, colorless dreams, tamed visions, worldly-talking, cheap giving, and dwarfed goals.

I no longer need pre-eminence, prosperity, position, promotions, plaudits, or popularity. I don’t have to be right, first, tops, recognized, praised, regarded or rewarded. I now live by faith, lean on His presence, walk by patience, am uplifted by prayer and I labor with power. My face is set, my gait is fast, my goal is heaven, my road is narrow, my way is rough, my companions are few, my Guide is reliable, my mission is clear.

I cannot be bought, compromised, detoured, hired away, turned back, diluted, or delayed.
I will not flinch in the face of sacrifice, hesitate in the presence of the adversity, negotiate at the table of the enemy, pander at the pool of popularity, or meander in the maze of mediocrity.

I won’t give up, shut up, let up, until I have stayed up, preached up, prayed up, paid up, stored up for the cause of Christ. I am a disciple of Jesus, I must go till He comes, give till I drop, preach till all know and work till He stops me. And when He comes to claim His own, He’ll have no problems recognizing me. My banner will be clear!"

This is my prayer. That I can have faith like this.
All I want is more of Jesus.

My Life Needs To Change

After returning from task forcing I have found myself at a very low point in my life. I could not figure out what caused this until recently. As a task force worker you spend no time thinking about yourself. It is completely focused on ministry and the people around you. I loved it and now that I am back in school I feel selfish. My strongest desire right now is to serve ALL THE TIME. Not just a trip to the City Mission on Fridays but ALL the time.
Here are my slightly scattered thoughts about how my life needs to change and what I feel God is tugging at my heart strings with.

My heart is troubled. I have found that the church has a giant hole in it. As Adventists our typical Sabbath looks like this: Wake up late, eat breakfast, go to church, eat MASSIVE lunch, take too long of a nap, hang out with friends. This was pointed out to me by a friend who is Atheist. He saw this and questioned what we stood for. Why are we "wasting" our Sabbath. We call ourselves Christians but there is nothing Christian about what is listed above.
And here is the conclusion I have come to: Right now, we do waste the Sabbath with those very things. But it is only a waste because of how 99.9% of us spend the rest of the week, me included. I believe that if we spent the week taking care of others, feeding the hungry, clothing the naked, watching after widows and orphans, and building spiritual, mental, and physical relationship with all those in need then by the time Sabbath came we would be so exhausted that we could use the Sabbath for what it is. A day of rest and spiritual reconnection, after a week of giving all you have for Jesus. People in need want something so much more than our offering or even, yes I am about to say this, our prayers. They need relationships and connections. A face that smiles, a heart that cares, ears that listen, and hands and feet that move to make a difference. They need JESUS. And since He is no longer on Earth, we need to be their "Jesus".

Think for a second about the life of Christ. How much time did He spend sleeping in, eating massive meals, and taking naps? He spent His time with the nastiest, filthiest people you could find (Luke 5:13, John 8:3-8), healing the broken (Mark 10:51-52), and feeding the hungry (Mark 6:37-42). What are we doing with our lives? Mark Twain once said, "It's not the parts of the Bible I don't understand that scare me, but the parts I do understand." If we are really working to be more like Jesus then why do we know that these are the things He did, but we do not do them ourselves? Luke 6:40 says, "A student is not above his teacher, but everyone who is fully trained will be like his teacher." If Jesus is our teacher and guide then we should be like Him. I have not lived as a living, breathing representation of Jesus and I think that it is time for change in my life.