Failure is not an option.

My goal as a task force dean has been to have the biggest impact on my girls and students as I possible can, especially in a spiritual sense. Recently I feel like I have failed that goal.

After a basketball game I was walking home and saw one of my girls boyfriends leaving from the direction of the dorm. Thinking nothing of it I walked up to door and as I was opening it she was in the doorway with tears in her eyes and a dozen roses. She immediatly threw them in the trash can and stormed off the other way crying. It's over. Their years worth of a relationship has ended and her is heart and soul are broken. I didn't want to say anything at the moment so I just let her cool off and left my bed room door open so she could stop by if needed. I stayed up late hoping she would show up and she never did.

This brought my mind to where I have failed in creating a relationship with my girls where they don't want to talk to me about the worst of things that are happening in thier lives. Why I wasn't someone she trusted to talk to about it. All I want to do is help people and it hurts when I can't.
Now looking back on this experience I was probably being overdramatic. For all I know, she went straight to bed without talking to anyone. I just hate to see my girls hurting.

Failure is not an option with what I am doing out here this year. I have realized over the years that when God calls you to do something for Him, you can't fail unless you give up. I feel like Satan has filled me with a lot of doubt recently in my job and my ministry to these kids. Prayers please!

Wearing Thin

It's been a long haul. I have now officially been in California for 7 months and 1 week. I can't believe that I only have 4 months left, but at the same time I am so thankful.

I don't know if I am just dealing with lack of sleep, home sickness, stress of two new girls in my dorm or bottled up emotions but I feel like I am wearing thin. I seem to be tired all the time and I sadly don't get as much joy with being around my girls 24/7 as I used to. I am really longing for my friendships and deep conversations. Those aren't easy to have with high school students.

Tonight was a good night. I had "adult time" and play Settlers with friends, all above the age of 20! Then we had some awesome talks about religion and God. It was something that I needed. I just sat there and soaked it all in. I can't wait to have these conversations on a regular basis again. With the lack of time I get off I feel like I rarely get these opportunities with people. Some days you just need to sit down and have a deep conversation.

I don't like hitting slumps. I feel like it is a time of lack of gratefulness to God for all He has done in my life. I feel like it is falling short of everything that God has planned for me. I know this is just a slump and it will soon be over, and I am thankful for that!

God grant me patience, understanding, words of wisdom, and most importantly love unconditional.